Reunion and Reintegration


This morning I woke up excited.   Welcome Home Banner for returning military members

Today the Nebraska National Guard Agribusiness Development Team 3 (NE ADT3) would be reunited with their families!  I found myself going back 10 months ago to the day after Memorial Day 2012.  That was the day several of us were reunited with our soldiers and airmen from NE ADT2.

Today I was remembering bouncing up and down while holding hands with other military spouses watching the bus with our military members pull up.  I remember seeing my husband get off the bus and running to his arms.  I remember that even amidst all the family members and friends gathered that day, the military members were always gravitating towards each other-looking for each other.  Sure, they were excited to be home too….but their best friends….their battle buddies who they’d spent the past year with was who they felt most comfortable with at that moment.

I remember how tired they all were-how they all just wanted to go home…and yet how quickly they all missed each other.  I remember so many things being overwhelming to my husband…crowds of people and everyone asking him the same questions, going to Golden Corral after we left the welcome-home event and him being overwhelmed by the amount of food available to eat (he ended up eating very little), going to a grocery store where we have such a variety of EVERYTHING and having so many choices…

We truly are so blessed in the U.S.A. and take these blessings for granted everyday!

As I drove to the welcome home ceremony today, I thought back on this post and how I left many of you hanging about what happened next.  Honestly, I’ve started many draft posts but struggled to know what to write or really what to share.

Many think that once our military members return that all is right in our world.  But the reality is that while there’s a honeymoon period, there’s also a great deal of hard work to make reintegration occur.  You see, military members and their families have been living in two different worlds the past year.  My husband and his comrades were living in similar to Biblical times working with great people but yet always had to be on guard for the enemy.  I was living in a fast-paced techno-savvy world trying to hold everything together here.  We both were fortunately forming bonds with military buddies and spouses that will last a lifetime.  I was safe at home with my dogs.  He and some of his comrades had close calls with death.

I will never know…

what it was like for him to leave home and everyone he loved to serve a Country that he loves and was willing to lay his life down for.  To work as hard as he could so he could go to bed exhausted in hopes of not missing the home he loved so much.  He will never know what it’s like on this end…to have everything in our home remind me of him, to spend endless nights and go to countless events alone, to hold my breath at every bit of news I hear from overseas, and to continually say silent prayers throughout the day for all our military members and their families.  But these are the sacrifices military members and their families are willing to make to defend the cause of freedom.  We love this Nation and are so proud of and thankful for those who are willing to defend her!

Since the deployment, I learned that it was hard for him to want to connect with home and me.  His coping strategy was to not connect so he could focus on the mission and not think about home or worry about how things were going here.  (He now would never recommend this strategy to any military member!)  My coping strategy was to send him letters and packages-to show him he was loved and missed.  But lack of communication is hard on a marriage and it takes time to re-build that.  I would say for many military couples, reintegration is even harder than the deployment and separations themselves.  We all have good intentions for a good reintegration…we learn what to watch for and have resources available to help…but the reality is that we’ve been going two different directions for a period of time.  It takes work to bring those lives back into the same direction again.  But it’s worth the effort!

One way that helped us get away and start communicating again was to attend a Family Life Weekend to Remember Event.  There are discount rates for military members and their spouses and there are special locations where there are military emphasis breakout sessions for military couples to talk about military specific issues such as deployments, separations, addictions, etc.  It really helped us to start that conversation again and I would encourage any married couple to attend one!

I smile everytime…

I see my husband going through his Afghanistan pictures with the sweetest smile on his face.  I know he misses it…he misses the daily work with hisADT2 speaking about their mission in Afghanistan to a packed audience at the Sprague Community Church buddies and the difference they were making in the Afghan people’s lives.  My husband took lots of pictures and video with his helmet cam.  As he shared his stories, I realized how much I take for granted.  His buddies and us wives have also often gotten together as the guys have spoken at various events.  Those are good things-things I will continue to encourage.

I’m so thankful God allowed my husband to be on that deployment with great leadership and friendships.  I know he’d go back in a heartbeat-especially if he could go with the same people he served with.  I think of these Agribusiness Development Teams’ mission to provide for a sustainable Afghanistan…to teach the people how to feed themselves and provide for their families…of the successes that have been achieved.  I’m praying for a sustainable Afghanistan and hope that one day-maybe in 10 years-my husband and I can both go and see the places he was, meet the people, and hear the stories of how their lives were changed as a result of our brave men and women serving.

About jenreesources

I'm the Crops and Water Extension Educator for York and Seward counties in Nebraska with a focus in irrigated crop production and plant pathology.

Posted on March 14, 2013, in Military, Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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